I decided to post a joke forum that lets us post funny jokes we hear from school, on the street or at work. I'll start.

A little native boy asked his Dad one day "How did I get my name?"
The Little Native Boys dad explained to him "Well when we named your older brother we saw a running bear ouside and called him 'Running Bear' and when we saw a little female dear outside we named your little sister 'Little Fawn', why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?"

There was other topic like this one but this is more organized so heres three good ones.(already posted by me)

These are really gross if you dont want to hear something gross then dont read.

1. A guy is driving his car and he say "God I need some sex wicked bad," so he finds a whore house and walks in. He asks how much and she says "15" he says "Ok that seems fair to me but I need something to eat first." The whore says "ok theres some food in the kitchen. Im going to get some sexier cloths on." So he walks into the kitchen and see cakes, muffins, cookies and all the deserts you can think of, and two tomatos. He says"Im trying to loose some wieght I'll have the Tomatos. So he choping the tomatos up and hes on the last bite of the last Tomato and the whore walks in and say "What are you doing?" The guy says "Just eating some Tomatos" The whore then replies "Those aren't tomatos those are me aborted fetus's!"

2 Three guys are in a car and it breaks down in the middle of no where. So they start walk down the road and some to a house. The ring the doorbell and an old lady somes out and they ask "May we use your phone to call a Tow Truck" The old lady says "Sure but one of you has to fuck me first, and the next house is 100 miles away." So they start walking about to there car to get some stuff. They do Rock Paper Scissor shoot. One of the three guys loses and has to go back. He arrives to the house and she says "Ok lets go to my room." The guy is frantically looking around the room to find something to fuck her with besides his dick. He finds a bad of corn and paper bag. He says " How about you put this paper bag over your head to make it more Kinky." The old lady says " Only to make it more Kinky." She walks up stairs and then the kid graps the corn and brings it up stairs. He says "you ready" and he starts sticking each piece of corn into her pussy. When he pulls it out theres this yellowish gel on it. So he throws it down the stairs. He does this with every piece of corn untill the bag is done. He says " Ok all done." The old lady then says " That was the best sex I have ever had." The guy then walks down stairs. He see's his friends at the bottom of the stairs and his friends say "God this is the best corn I have ever had... it even has butter on it."

This next one is extremly gross. It does involve some thinking tho. So just keep thinking about it untill you figure it out.

3. A guy is driving his car and he wants a bj really bad so he goes to a whore house. He then asks the whore " How much for a BJ?" The whore inturn says " $15 or for a $5 more I will sing while I give you a BJ." He says "sure" They go into the room and she turns out the lights and starts giving him a BJ and she starts singing. The next day he goes there again and sure enough she sings while shes giving a BJ. The next day he says "How the fuck is she doing this. Im going to figure out this time." So he goes in again and she starts giving him a BJ and singing. So he runs over to the light switch and turns the lights on. Then he see's a glass eyeball on the table.


-City Wok Guy

2 men are sitting in the pub the guy asks the other ''lets have a beer contest the 1st one goes to the toilet fails' the other says ok then they drink and drink and they agree to lose both and they straight go to the toilet there is just one so the other must wait the one in the toilet says 1,2,3,4,5 and goes out of the toilet the other says then why you said 1 2 3 4 5 then he says well.. 1=open zipper 2=skin of the dik up 3=piss 4=skin of the dik down 5=close zipper then he says ok and goes in the toilet and he says 1,2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4(i hope u understand it i cant speak well english)

I get it...but I don't understand why he's having a wank.

A duck goes into a chippy one day, goes up to the counter and asks the man at the counter 'Have you got any duck food?'
The man behind the counter looks at him strangely, then replies 'No sorry, this is a fish and chip shop, we don't do duck food.' The duck leaves.
Next day the duck comes back, goes to the man behind the counter and asks 'Have you got any duck food?' Once again the man says 'No, this is a fish and chip shop, we don't do duck food.' And the duck leaves.
Next day the duck walks in again, goes to the man behind the counter and asks, 'You got any duck food?'
The man behind the counter sighs.
'Listen, this is a fish and chip shop! We do haddock, cod, pies, tatties, black pudding white pudding sausages ANYTHING BUT DUCK FOOD!' And the duck leaves.
Next day comes back in, goes up the counter and says 'Got any duck food?'
The man screams. 'LISTEN TO ME, WE DO NOT HAVE DUCK FOOD, AND IF YOU COME IN HERE AGAIN ASKING FOR DUCK FOOD I'M GONNA NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE GROUND!' The duck leaves.
Next day, duck comes back into the fish and chip shop.
'Excuse me, do you have any nails?'
'No, why?'
'... Got any duck food?'

Its not bad, but its to fucking long.


-City Wok Guy

The best thing about your maw is she has some cushion for the pushing!

Yeh its a long one. I have an even longer one which you'll either love or hate... but I can't be bothered typing it right now!

-----------------------------
A boy goes up to his dad and says 'Daddy, is God a man or a woman?'
The dad replies, 'Both, son.'
The boy then asks, 'Daddy, is God black or white?'
'He's both son.'
'Daddy, is Micheal Jackson God?'

lol

Knock Knock

i fucked up my amusemnt fuse or smothin.. cuz i didnt :-) at the gags above :-| ...


who`s der!!??

Whos there?!

I got it before I read the last line but still funny lol.


-City Wok Guy

hey nimeni i got one for you, what do you call someone that has sex/wants to have sex with their brother?


A FUCKING NUT

Oooooo, now thats just cold, I think Nimeni is going to kick your ass now buddy

mneah....not gonna do shit to him.. i`m freakin him out already ...so.. i`l keepin him like this... yeah my dear Stinger.. i am nuts.. i know that.. everyone knows that.,,, duuuh

Banana








lawl

buuh!

Banana Who??!!

BANANACHYA GLAD I DIDN'T SAY ORANGE!!!?!??!?!1?!??!//!??!

OMG yes I hate when people say orange.


-City Wok Guy

I honestly hate knock knock jokes.

Heres another joke, not for the faint of heart.

Whats green and smells like pig?

Kermit the Frogs finger

Haha, yummeh!

Awww no one has any more classy jokes to say? /cry

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an
escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt
was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned
around and punched me in the eye!"

"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get
the second black eye?"

"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I
pushed it back in."

Lol Funny!!

Heres One

Very Very Funny

A Man Walks Into A Bar And Asks For 6 Shots Of Vodka,
The Bartender Goes "6 Shots Of Vodka! Jeez Whats Wrong?"
The Man Replys "Ive Just Found Out My Older Brothers Gay!!"

The Next Day
A Man Walks Into A Bar And Asks For 6 Shots Of Vodka,
The Bartender Goes "6 Shots Of Vodka! Jeez Whats Wrong Now?"
The Man Replys "Ive Just Found Out My Younger Brothers Gay!!"

The Next Day
A Man Walks Into A Bar And Asks For 6 Shots Of Vodka,
The Bartender Goes "6 Shots Of Vodka! Jeez Doesnt Anyone In Your Family Like Women?"
The Man Replys "Yeh My Wife Does!!"


-----------------------------

Lame Joke!!

What Do You Get When You Cross A Kangaroo With A Jumper!?

A Wolly Jumper!!!!

woman walks into a restaurant and sits down. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her. She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts "Stop that!" To which the waiter replies, "Sure, which way did it go?"




How do you do your wife rodeo style?

First you get her doggy style then you tell her this is how me and my wife do it and then you try to hold on for 7 seconds.

2 retards are walking on the way
Says the one to the other: Can i walk in the middle??

2 retards are fishing
Says the one to the other:"Oh look, i've got a worm"

Why did the chiken cross the road??

Because it had aids

where`s the gag?

Whats the same thing about Michael Jackson and Gamecube?

They're square, made of plastic and kids turn them on

Haha! that was a good 1 !

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.









(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.)

R E T A R D A T I O N

Heres another joke

Whats the same thing about Star Trek and Toilet Paper?

They both circle around Uranus looking for cling-ons.


*You have to know to understand these jokes*

What do you get when you cross Japan and a Native Person

Nissan Pathfinder

It's not a joke, but it sure as hell makes me laugh everytime I see it.
Never trust Ikea blinds, seriously. I have to wake up to this piece of shit every day.

lol those are from Ikea? Thank god my town doesn't have an Ikea

Why do black people only have nightmares?







Cause we killed the only one with a dream

good one SB


The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.

"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."

"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.

When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"

"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.

Hilarious!!

What do you do after raping a woman who is deaf and dumb?

You break her fingers so she won't tell anyone.



A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

"No, I never found her head.



A psychology student is conducting a survey to study the masturbatory habits of males. She approaches the first man, and says "Excuse me sir, I'm conducting a survey, and would like to know: what do you hold in your left hand while you masturbate?", to which the man replies, "A remote controller, for the DVD".
She then approaches the second man, with the same question. He answers "I've got a magazine", and she notes down his answer.
She then approaches a third man, and asks him what he holds while he masturbates, to which he answers "A bar of soap". Bemused by this, she asks why.
"I'm bathing the kids"



What do you call a hooker's kids? Brothel sprouts.

awkward


Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."

The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for you!"

Don't bag me if this is wrong but I heard it a long time ago.

Why are girls not as good at running as guys?


Because theres not much room to run from the kitchen to the bedroom.


Why isn't the Mexican Olimpic team any good?


Because all the ones who could jump, swim, or run are in America.


-City Wok Guy

Like nobody mastrubates with their left arm

really?.. what if u r left-handed ? huhuhuhhh?? ass

Nope writing and maturbating are a complete other thing

Their are more people masturbating with their right arm but still those with the left aren´t all the same as the leftarm masturbaters

noo ..it`s not.. if u r rite-handed.... u mastrurbate with ur right...if u r left-handed...u do it with ur left....FUCK OFF

Nope you got it all wrong

It's more about if your penis is rightsided or leftsided

dewdeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....fuck off man.. it`s a joke... and u masturbate...with teh hand u write.... the 1 u r used to do stuff fo u

Nope

Are you a guy or am i a guy???

So who should know the answer??